School Lunch Guide By Charles                     Articles
Hi, it's me, Charles again. The nerdy kid with glasses bigger than your grandma who can think of such bad
things even your grandpa writes better.

Anyways...I have this really interesting article about School Lunch since I have eaten there the most. I will tell
you about it. It is actually a mutant form of food, known as Schoolfood, and was designed by the DOE to feed
your mind, but it turns out to feed your butt.

Hamburgers: If you're gonna eat a hamburger, why don't you just eat the cow instead.
Cheesburgers: Go eat another cow.
"Restaurant Style Pizza": Not restaurant-style. In restaurant style pizza,  you shouldn't be able to use
pepperoni as spoons for oil. Plus the cheese doesn't taste like sand.
Vegetables: Overcooked. Broccoli is NOT supposed to be smooshy. Carrots are NOT supposed to be
smooth. Peas are NOT supposed to crunch in your mouth!
Fruit: Apples are always puny, but you can always get more. Just remember to avoid the rotten ones. I prefer
bagged ones, which they do serve. (Yay) Oranges: Way too sour. Not Florida oranges, more like China
oranges. Pear: You're never wrong. Canned Peach/Pineapple/Others: Oh, Come on, admit it! You like canned
fruit, don't you??? Plums: Normally good, here it tastes like sour, thick-skinned yam.
Juices: Not bad. Just get ones without concentrate...
Water: Oh, don't buy it. You never know if it's REALLY "Fresh from Maine" or "Refreshingly cool".
Snapple Cans: A rip-off. 1 BUCK FOR 10 OUNCES???ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Get Arizona.
Cookies: Buy the big ones. The little ones are crappy and cheap.
Chips: A good value. Go get 'em!
Rice: Isn't rice supposed to be, um...actually from China???I don't know where this came from.
Ravioli: I hope it's Chef Boyardee! No, it isn't. Open one up to see why.
Beef/Chili: Beef? OK. Chili? Just take the beans out, thank you.
Chicken with Bones: Actually, it's not bad!!!
Cooked Chicken Patty: Do you get this word??? YUCK!!!
Crispy Chicken Patty: So it's crispy. Where's the salt? Where's the oil? Where's the fat people gone?
Chicken Patty in some red sauce: What are we? Cannibals??? WHERE'S THE FLAVOR?
Mashed Potatoes: May I say, we are not pilgrims. Note that "cooked" is not in the name. We do not eat raw
potatoes. Use the oven! Use the microwave! Use your brain!
French Fries: There are 2 types they serve: crispy or not crispy. How sad.
Tater Tots: Good, as long as you don't over-dip them in ketchup.
Salad Bowl: Not bad. Tuna? Ok. Tomatoes/Bagged Carrots/Cucumbers/Potato Salad/Corn/Pickles???
Actually taste like fresh. Pasta salad??? Wow, gee, "pasta" and "salad" in the same sentence.

The mystery of Charlie: do a google image search to get an even nerdier version of him.